Shook Foil

Failed Fruit

2009-01-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

Late last spring, my husband and I created a raised bed garden. We filled a wood frame with fresh dark soil, stirred in bags of rich manure and mulch such as coffee grounds, grass clippings, and egg shells. We planted tomatoes, onions, herbs, squash, and flowers. We watered faithfully every day and kept the ground free of weeds.

In early June, the wildfire season started with a bang. Lightening started wildfires spread all over northern California and the smoke ominously snaked over the Sierra mountain range and settled in our valley. Smoke permeated everything. It seeped through the cracked open windows and into our homes. It was hard to breath. We felt suffocated by the heavy air and depressed by the prolonged exposure to haze and ashes. That annoying group of people who are optimistic in the most challenging of situations stated that sunrises and sunsets were more spectacular during those weeks of dark and greasy smoke. Pessimists such as I were not as perky. "This cannot be good for our health", I mumbled in despair. The fires started in June and lasted well into the last weeks of July.

Meanwhile, back in the garden, my tomatoes just didn't seem to take off. They stayed green and hard. The basil remained a stunted plant, and the squash plants bloomed half-heartedly but didn't produce fruit. I scratched my head, knowing that I nourished the soil and watered often. During harvest season, we picked a few tomatoes here and there, managed a good pesto sauce now and then, and didn't expect a thing from the squash plants. I had never had such a dismal garden in my life.

In early September, our school traveled to a large farm for a field trip. The students studied plant cycles, fed chickens, and were allowed to pick produce, including fresh red raspberries. The tour guide said something that stuck in my mind. She stated that the raspberried had ripened a good couple of weeks later than anticipated. When I asked about her theory for the delay, she answered that the farm crew determined it was due to the smoke that hung around for half of the summer. All of a sudden everything about my garden made sense! I provided everything that my garden needed for growth. I provided good soil, lots of water, mulch, loving care, but I could not provide what the garden needed most of all to thrive. I could not provide the sun. My plants were duped by a smokescreen. The smoke slid in and stole life from plants which would never grow to full maturity as a result. I might as well have purchased Emerill's tomatoes instead. So, will I attempt a garden next year? Of course! In some things in life, it pays to be an optimist.

Why I Appreciate My Pastor

2008-11-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in months. It took a challenge to post about our pastors that encouraged me to post something that means a lot to me.

I appreciate my pastor because he is passionate about the truth of scripture to transform our lives. He has enabled our church to be an orderly, reverent, and committed group of Christians. He has the help of godly men who make up elders and deacons and who stay close to the vision of the Church. When we sing hymns and spiritual songs, the magnitude of worship resides in voices and not so much in instrumentation. It is a rousing lifting up of voices in praise.

Our children stay with the parents, and I have never experienced a quieter group of children as our pastor preaches and they take notes or rest in their parent's arms.

I guess the most touching testimony of the committment of our pastor is the fact that he blew out his back and was in intense pain the summer before this past summer. He painstakenly hobbled up to preach with a wide back brace, still passionate about preaching the Word of God. Sometimes our other pastor and the elders stepped in to preach, but we knew that it was hard for our pastor to give up his pulpit.

Our church is set in a valley surrounded by ranch land and a strand of the Sierra Mountain Range to the west. We drive an hour to go to our church, and others drive up to an hour and a half each Sunday. The church is the hub and gathers folks from all four directions. We have tried to visit churches closer to our home, but none can compare in our mind to ours, mainly because of the sure foundation set forth by good preaching, and a pastor who loves the Lord so much.

Since he appreciates John Piper and quotes from him occasionally, I sure would love to surprise him with tickets to the Desiring God Conference.

Ok. I will go back to my occasional pasttime of posting comments on OTHER blogs.

Perhaps an Enema Will Help

2008-03-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

I read a great quote today in the www.desiringgod.org/Blog/

The great challenge of the preacher is to follow Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:5, "What we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake."

But there are more ways to preach ourselves than one might think. This word from James Denney has exerted a sobering effect on me since I first read it in 1982. He had these words framed and posted in the vestry of his Scottish church.

No man can bear witness to Christ and to himself at the same time. No man can give the impression that he himself is clever and that Christ is mighty to save.

There is a great discussion over at Pyromaniacs about Legalism and one of the quotes I enjoyed was this:

But it is obvious to everyone around him that he is not really holy, he just needs to take an enema.

2008-03-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

The Shift of Spring

Peter's boat curves to a point
The inside is hollow.
Tiny shells roll to and fro
on the silt bottom of the lake.
Peter imagines skimming the floor
sifting, trying to find Jesus,
clutch his hand to pull him back.
Sand, the boundary for blue-grey, dark waters,
shifts endlessly, reminding Peter
that just two days ago he said three times,
"I never knew Him!"
He used to notice tumbled rocks on shore
harboring windblown seeds,
cumulous clouds promising rain.
Now he doesn't see a thing,
rubs his sour knotted fishing net
between calloused fingers,
wishes he had been stronger.
How can he know in this dark time
that a few days from now,
a familiar figure will rise
from the sun-bleached shore,
hold out his hand,
and call to him across salty waves,
algae turning,
schools of fish flashing,
nets suddenly full.
Peter will say three times,
"Yes Lord, you know I love you!"
Lift his head at the slow exhale of spring,
new life from clefts and cracks of hard places.
"Yes Lord, I love you!"
Sand gently shifts,
waves are silent.
Morning moves slowly.
A fisherman weeps.

Christian Reality in Sudan and Kenya

2008-01-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in our school, we had a missionary couple tell us about their ministry in Kenya and Sudan. They work at an orphanage of over 300 children who have lost their parents because of war or other circumstances. The husband is actually Sudanese. I asked them to speak specifically to my class of fourth and fifth graders after our assembly. I have been honest with my students about the suffering of Christians in other parts of the world and I wanted the husband to share with us what his life was like in Sudan. He told us stories about how his village was bombed up to three times a day. Planes would roll out large barrels filled with nails and shrapnel and children would hit the ground in a flat position to avoid the flying nails and then run for shelter. He saw his best friend die beside him. He finally fled his village at the age of 19 because Muslims would take teen boys, train them to be soldiers and then send them back to fight their own people. They also kidnapped children and women to be sold as slaves in other countries. In order to prevent people from escaping, they would cut their achilles tendon. Ramsey did say that Christianity is growing stronger in Sudan, but now he and his wife (who is American and here on furlough), are worried because they have a home in Kenya. They are not sure how dangerous it will be to return home after their furlough, since Kenya has killed thousands of people since their elections earlier this month. The new president is apparently closely tied to Islam. It was a sobering time of questions and answers in my classroom, and my children then prayed for the missionary couple for safety, and that their needs would be met.

My church also has a lady who is a missionary in Sudan. She was on vacation in Kenya for Christmas, because Kenya was the safe country for Christian organizations. She was still in Kenya during the elections and our church received word of her experience in the midst of chaos and people being hacked and killed in the streets.

She wrote:

Today I worshiped in a church with a thousand plus Kenyans from all different tribes and tongues united in one voice crying out to God. Do you know what their cry was? It was not "God bring peace" or "God, change the hearts of our leaders" or even "Why?" Instead the cry was "God, forgive us for we have forgotten to love our neighbor as our self. We have allowed this hatred to grow and create a divide that none can bridge, but Christ." One man prayed the whole of Psalm 51. Young and old shared in these prayers of repentance and the call for strength to return evil with good and hatred with love.

It is a different world in Kenya and Sudan and it seems we are so insulated from such difficult circumstances, and yet I believe storm clouds are on the horizon for us in North America as well. I am blessed by the humility of the man from Sudan who softly told us about his life and sufferings, and sang praise songs for us in his native tongue. I am blessed that he is an example of patient endurance in the midst of difficult circumstances in his life.

A Rant Just Cuz

2008-01-13T21:24:00.000-08:00

So. I haven't really been posting, but have had my say here and there. I do want to throw something out into the atmosphere. I spent 25 years, as a pre-reformed Christian trying to measure up. Well, not really. I tried and failed so I rebelled against what I considered a hard and impossible walk with God. I rebelled because my walk was not contingent on what God was working in my heart and life according the the Holy Spirit, but what was coming out of others expectations, outward appearance, or guilt. Once I realized the amazing improbability that I was actually chosen by God, I realized that I wanted to please Him because He first loved me.

What does that look like you may ask? Well, it certainly doesn't look like the outer appearance taking preeminence over the inner man being renewed daily by the power of the Holy Spirit. I have to confess that my ornery personality has a tendency to take the position of the "devil's advocate" in blog wars. Lately, it has been the war of whether Mars Hill Church in Seattle under pastor Mark Driscoll should have had a New Year's celebration. After viewing pics of last year's celebration, I thought that the poor church hardly deserved the title of "whore church" for their choice of having a celebration instead of a time of prayer and reflection for the new year. Why is it important that they follow the footsteps of churches who do have prayer watch on New Year's Eve? They are their own church with their own choices and they are responsible to God. I did not see anything unseemly in their celebration that causes concern that they are falling off the deep end.

I want to please God in my walk, demeanor, and testimony to the world. I do not want that testimony to rest on an outward appearance that may look great but hide a deceitful heart of pride and self-promotion. I want to be honest in my life and testimony and that may mean that I don't necessarily look as disciplined as some Christians. I spent many years with a prideful and self congratulatory Christian man who looked down on others and thought highly of himself, and once said he wished he had married a real Christian woman instead of me. Why did he think that? Sometimes I read novels that were not written by Christians. Sometimes I liked to hike and really soak in God's creation. I enjoyed dancing. He considered all of the above, worldly pursuits. He went on to divorce me and marry a non-believer while I spent 11 years as a single woman, and met and married a kind and humble Christian man with little self-pride. When I was previously married for 18 years to a self disciplined "Keith Green" kind of guy, I was torn down and demeaned often and did not recognize that God was working in my life, in His way and in His time. Now I am married to a guy who also spent many years trying to overcome being torn down as a Christian man, but who has a heart that really wants to please God. I am so thankful for God's grace and provision for both of us.

I notice that some Christians in the reformed faith go around and demean other Christians for reasons that sometimes leave me scratching my head. Yes, we are to be Bereans and judge rightly when it comes to our lives and doctrine, but some of the attacks out there are just not warranted it seems to me. I have to go to work, but I will post a letter later a missionary from my church wrote recently from Kenya/Sudan that sure puts many things into a different perspective when it comes to our self-indulgent American Christianity.

Everybody Smile Now!

2007-09-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

I find this photo rather funny.

The New Job

2007-05-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

I havent been able to post much lately because I have been working at a new and demanding job. I work in the billing office of a doctor office, and it has been many years since I have worked in such an office. It is very high paced and I have to do billing and insurance verification and other sundry things. I am interviewing for another teaching job, so perhaps this is just a season at the office. It has been very stressful and I wanted to share some of that stress with you, the "monsters" of the billing world so to speak.

Seven Random Things About Me

2007-05-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

Miss M asked me to do a seven random things about me meme so here goes:

1. My mother swears that Marilyn Monroe picked me up and held me while she was filming in Reno. She was filming her last film The Misfits. My mother said she had gone to watch the filming with my older brother and me.

2. I hitchhiked to Berkeley when I was 16. More than once.

3. About 10 years ago I sat and had a beer and great conversation with a few folks I knew and Daniel Boorstin, A Pulitzer Prize winning author and more.

4. I worked for a summer near Yosemite National Park and had to drive through Yosemite Valley one night. I walked up to Yosemite Falls at midnight and reclined on a concrete bench and watched stars for about two hours with the mist falling all over me.

5. The last time I ever saw my father was when I was one year old. Not because he died but because he truly did not desire to know me.

6. In high school I used to drive to hot springs in a remote area with friends, spend all night soaking under the stars and drive the next day straight to school, smelling like sulphur.

7. Even though I have summited 10,000-12,000 ft. peaks and rapelled down a 230 ft. cliff, I cannot walk across a log over a stream. I have to crawl across. I am terribly afraid of heights.

Extra random thing about me:

I had my first child when I was 18. Here she is at 33. Isn't she beautiful and didn't she take a very artistic photo of herself?

As We Blithely Go Our Way

2007-04-30T17:11:00.001-07:00

American prosperity teachers tell us we can have health, wealth, and wonderful self esteem. They are a travesty to the Body of Christ. Meanwhile this is what happened in Turkey recently to Christians. Maybe you have already read the news reports. It was hard to take it in at the time because the situation at Virginia Tech had just happened. Plus, news reports left out quite a bit. Please pray for the families involved in this tragedy, and ask that God be glorified in the midst of it all. Letter from the Church at Smyrna

New Residents in the Canyon: They are a Hoot!

2007-04-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

My husband and I like to take walks at a nearby park. In the park is a grove of cottonwood trees in a small canyon where the trail loops around and goes through a tunnel below a busy road. I love the canyon because it is a spot of wilderness on the edge of houses. There are some good hills to climb that overlook the city, and some nice wetlands in the canyon. By far, the highlight of our walk is to check up on the Great Horned Owls. Last summer I lead nature hikes with schoolchildren and families and we always spotted the owls. Last year, there were two parents and two babies. They stuck together as a family while the parents taught the youngsters how to hunt. Around December the parents made the youngsters leave to discover their own territory. Recently new baby owls have been spotted. In fact, three baby owls observed my husband and me closely yesterday afternoon from their nest high in the tree. Nearby, Mom owl stood watch. The baby owls emitted sharp whistles, and Mom hooted now and then. I wish my camera had a good zoom lens, but I borrowed a photo from the internet instead to show you how cute the babies are. Right now the babies have grayish, whitish fluff and bright yellow eyes. They are starting to get their brown and white feathers. It will be fun to see the different stages the owls will go through in order to reach adulthood.

Randomness

2007-04-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Iris blessed me with a Thinking Blog Award even though I think I am lazy, lazy, lazy in posting. I love reading other blogs and think they state things much lovelier than I do, so I tend to post about my wanderings. I am catching up today by posting on a number of things I have been thinking about.

Howdy! I have been so busy. I just got a new job doing billing at a chiropractor's office and am not used to the hours yet. The chiropractor is a Christian, and it was not quite the job I expected but I am very thankful for a friendly atmosphere in which to work. Hey! my husband and I get free chiropractic care! My husband and I want to pay all our bills and then see what God has for us. We are expecting some changes in where we might live...but that is way down the road. We really want to be a part of a Sovereign Grace Church and even though I keep emailing people who could make it happen, we have not been able to have one start up in my town.

My son lent me a DVD about an indie Christian group called Danielson Famile. It consists of a family of siblings who play music and sing together. I have to admit that the lead singer has the weirdest voice. He also dresses up as a tree with hanging fruit to symbolize the Fruits of the Spirit. They hang out with Sufjan Stevens who I really like. I was so surprised that my son totally loved this DVD because he really doesn't want anything to do with God. I am just curious. If you knew you had a 25 year old child who was really cynical about God and yet he liked a DVD of Emergent Christian singers, would you be happy that he responded to something at least or would you be dismayed that he was being drawn to Christians who are part of the Emergent Church? I am as concerned as the next Christian about the trend in Emergent Christianity, but what if my son was drawn to that lifestyle, and God eventually brought him around to a more Biblical way of thinking? I myself was into what I now see were some unhealthy viewpoints of Christianity for a long time, and God still drew me into a deeper understanding of theology and a Reformed stance in my Christianity. I have to confess that I get hopeful over even a glimmer of appreciation for something Christian from my son. I liked parts of the DVD. Actually I liked watching Sufjan Stevens sing most of all. I am thankful my son dropped the DVD off so that I could watch it. I am glad he thought I might enjoy it. My son is getting more artsy all the time, just like me. :)

If you haven't watched the video of Together for the Gospel, Reflections 2006 ,you should check it out. I hope my husband can go next year. T4G video

If you go to the Sovereign Grace Ministries music page, you can click on the right side where it says Sovereign Grace Radio, and listen to the Valley of Vision CD while you browse on your computer.

UPDATE ON THE BABY OWLS

The baby owls are growing by leaps and bounds. Their grayish/white fluffy faces are turning into brownish outlines around their bright yellow eyes and it is fun to watch them perched on the edge of their large twiggy nest staring at us staring at them. They whistle and mom is perched nearby keeping watch over them and who-hooing ever so often. There is also a nest not that far away with a couple of Red Tail Hawks. I love Spring and the twittering, busy birds feathering their nests and flying all over the place.

BOOK MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME

). What characters do you wish were real so you could meet them.

Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird and can't think of anyone else.

2). You would like to be.

Mowgli of the Jungle

Huck Finn

the girl from Island of the Dolphins

3). Who scares you.

I am with Rebecca. The witch from the Wizard of Oz, movie version

Spring Bird Migration

2007-04-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

Check out this map of migrating birds. I guess radar reflects birds and clouds within a 30 mile radius, so the dots represent birds within a locality of a radar station. This is large scale Spring migration.
Bird Migration Map

Prayers and Thoughts about Virginia Tech Tragedy

2007-04-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

I, like many, are saddened and burdened from the events at Virginia Tech. The overwhelming losses of loved ones and the senselessness of the shootings is mind staggering. I trust in a Sovereign God who will use his people to minister in this situation and for God to be glorified in the midst of this tragedy. Sometimes it seems like God is lifting His hand of restraint upon the world and as the world gets darker, His people shine brighter. We are to remind ourselves that God is sovereign and will bring good out of this awful situation. Here are some thoughts from John Piper as well.

Following are excerpts of a (paraphrased) prayer from the book Valley of Vision that I hope will comfort others:

Peril

Soveriegn Commander of the Universe,
We are sadly harassed by doubts, fears, unbelief,
in a felt spiritual darkness...

Help us, O Lord,
to throw ourselves absolutely and wholly on thee,
for better, for worse, without comfort , and all but hopeless.
Give us peace of soul, confidence, enlargement of mind,
morning joy that comes after night heaviness...

In our distress let us not forget this.
All-wise God,
Thy never-failing providence orders every event.
sweetens every fear,
reveals evil's presence lurking in seeming good,
brings real good out of seeming evil,
makes unsatisfactory what we set our hearts upon,
to show us what short-sighted creatures we are,
and to teach us to live by faith upon thy blessed self...

Serving the Homeless in Santa Cruz

2007-04-11T10:17:00.000-07:00

Elm Street Mission

When I traveled to Santa Cruz to visit a friend last week, I was able to participate in her Wednesday night ritual of serving food to the homeless and cutting their hair at the Elm Street Mission. Many churches in the area get involved in serving food at the mission, and the night we participated, we served about 500 people. First we spent time preparing a plentiful table of sandwiches, spaghetti, salad, chips, mashed potatoes, ham, gravy, and cupcakes. The homeless also received "Bible bags" consisting of Bibles, sleeping bags if needed, and hygiene products. My friend Star and another lady provided haircuts for anyone who wanted one. What a special ministry!

Server at Elm Street Mission

One of the things that struck me the most while serving food, was the number of homeless kids. Many 13 and 14 year old, mostly goth girls, went through the line. There were some Jerry Garcia clones, old Vietnam Vets, young and old hippies, and lots of kids. There were babies in strollers, and even a woman who seriously looked like the neighborhood librarian. I have worked with homeless people before and understand that some homeless people are homeless by choice and others the result of bad decisions. A few are in their homeless situation due to bad circumstances, perhaps the loss of jobs and homes. Some are mentally ill, and some are homeless due to alcoholism or drug abuse. I hated seeing the young girls the most. Santa Cruz is not a place to wander around at night as a young girl. My friend Star assured me that there are many shelters to house the kids and I felt comforted by that. It was an interesting experience because I love to people watch and Santa Cruz is certainly a place to observe people.

I was told by one of the servers that various churches serve during the week, and the pastor of Elm Street Mission states that the homeless who eat at the mission must attend a service as well. Wednesday nights draw the largest crowd because a service is not required. Figures. The man next to me told me he attends a couple of churches in the area, one of them being Dan Kimball's church, The Vintage ( I think it is called). Interesting in light of my return home, only to read posts centered on the Emergent Church and Dan Kimball himself on Pyromaniacs. I wanted to ask the guy what drew him to that particular church as he was a much older man. I was just curious I guess.

Serving homeless people was a highlight of my trip and I found that I miss being involved in that kind of a ministry. I am seeking God for something I can be involved with, as I am seeking a new job and wondering how much time I will have to get involved with something. Of course I must not forget my foremost ministry is to my husband, which in my case involves lots of foot rubs.

Thinkin' About Blogs That Make Me Think

2007-04-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

Miss M over at Regaining Paradise
has bestowed upon me a Thinking Blog honor and you really should go over to her blog for a thoughtful essay on her reaction to receiving the same honor. She articulates how I feel. I, in turn, am to bestow this honor upon blogs I feel worthy to receive such an honor. All the blogs I would have picked (and read daily) have already been well chosen by others so I will include three that I peruse daily and get blessed by.

Purple Cellar is a very thoughtful and theologically sound blog that speaks to my deepest struggles and questions. She posts on contemporary issues, trials, temptations, and offers practical biblical advice. She even posted on insommnia, a particular thorn in my side. I truly get edified.

Between Two Worlds. Justin Taylor posts links most of the time, and his links provide information to current events and theological issues around the blog world for my growth.

Al Mohler's Blog Ah, what can I say about this blog except that Al Mohler tackles issues that pertain to culture and Biblical responses to contemporary issues. Plus, I like the fact that he reads so much.

It's All About Me Meme

2007-04-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

Miss M over at Regaining Paradise has asked some questions which I will answer to the best of my ability.

1) I know you like art so, if you had the ability to paint as any artist in history who would it be and what would you paint?

One of my favorite artists is Albrecht Durer. He was also a naturalist. He is probably most famous for his praying hands picture. I would paint meticulously rendered plants, flowers, trees, mountains, rivers, oceans, clouds, which is what I usually paint anyways.

2) What is your fondest memory of your childhood?

I playacted most of the books I read and loved. I was Mowgli of the jungle, Huck Finn, or Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird most of the time. I was mostly a solitary kid with my nose in a book or exploring the outdoors. One aspect of books I loved is the fact that these characters were always on adventures. I have always loved a good adventure. I wonder what is around the bend or over the next hill. I was perfectly content during these times of my childhood.

3) If you were down to your last $10.50 what would you spend it on?

Probably food staples. Probably a bag of beans or something that would last to my next windfall.

4) Can you share a moment in which you felt so happy and content that you would not have changed a thing?

Not a specific moment but similar moments of being on a mountain summit with the Word of God, a good picnic, and a beautiful day. Or, perhaps, an ocean beach with the Word of God, a good picnic, and a beautiful day. Hmmmm....how about out at Pyramid Lake (a local turquoise lake in the middle of high desert) with the Word of God, a good picnic, and a beautiful SUNSET! During these times, cares and worries seem to melt away.

5) Could you please tell us which plant you think best represents your life and why?

I tried to think of beautiful flowers or gorgeous trees, but I have to face reality and be honest. I thought of Lavender, common looking but with such a beautiful aroma, and I actually thought of something more accurate. I am a Nevadan and even though I love green, lots of green, we live in a sea of sagebrush, canyons of aspens, and willows, and it is a tough land. I am like a sagebrush I think. Sagebrush is common, but rub the leaves and a fresh, pungent odor emits. The wood is rough and gnarly, multi-colored, and quite resiliant to all but fire . There is an oil in the plant that is bitter and flammable, but can be medicinal and healing. It can survive in little water, and stands strong and endures against wind, bugs, and disease. It has lovely dusky gray/green leaves that are soft in color and intensity, not as noticable as more flamboyant bright green plants. We as Nevadans might crave more green but when we move elsewhere where no sagebrush exists, it is the one plant we miss the most. To come back home and experience a desert day after a rainfall is to experience the most heavenly of scents.

I Am A Great Sinner, but He is a Great Savior

2007-04-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Tim Challies has posted a request for testimonies from bloggers. Go check it out and get to know some folks a bit more in depth.

When I was a young girl, I liked to sleep under the stars in the backyard. My two brothers, sister and I would pile a bunch of blankets between a large canvas tarp and they would be asleep long before I was even tired. I spent a good part of the night gazing at the stars watching for satellites, and wondering about God and the Universe.

It seemed I always wondered about God. I was raised in a home that had no recognition of God and in fact, my mother despised any ideas about God. My step-father was a traditional French-Basque Catholic from France, who carved a cross in our french bread before slicing it and attended Mass on Christmas or Easter in odd years, more like rarely. The neighborhood kids were asked by their parents to invite us to church since we were a wild and wooly bunch and in need of "religious instruction". We were invited to the Catholic church by a large Irish Catholic family down the street, to the Mormon church by a large Mormon family up the street, and even to Jehovah Witness meetings by a family many blocks away. I even participated in Catechism classes and got the highest grades. I learned about the miracle of the locusts and seagulls from the Mormons, and was mystified by Communion with thin white wafers from the Catholics. To be honest, I can't remember a single thing from my visits to the Jehovah Witness Hall.

As I got older, I became the epitome of the Hippie culture. I hitchhiked down to Berkeley California, took hallucinogenic drugs (and pondered the reality of God during each trip), and smoked lots of hash and marijuana. I participated in anti-war rallies, and read the counter culture best seller by Richard Alpert called Be Here Now. I also read many other books that emphasized spirituality and New Age. I participated in a group called Ananda Marga Yoga and learned to meditate. I had some friends from the Bay Area (near Berkeley) who were prominent musicians and New Agers, and once found me passed out in an alley when I was 15 and took me under their wing. They were in their early 20's and I really credit them for saving my life. I had been suicidal, stemming from a bad homelife, and when they found me I had consumed a jug of wine, stumbled downtown, and passed out near one of their friend's homes. I traveled with an older guy when I was 17, got pregnant and had my daughter a few months after I graduated from high school. We got married but that relationship dissolved soon after and I was on my own with a toddler daughter during a bad recession. I worked as a motel maid for a year and eventually found another job at a hospital doing dishes. I met a guy with whom I was attracted, and when I asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with me, he told me he had something better. Something warned me not to ask, but I did, and he shared about his relationship with Jesus Christ. My heart sank within me. I really did not like those "Jesus Freaks"! They were just plain weird and so not cool. Despite my chagrin, this guy and I became friends. He continued to share the Lord with me, and I continued to attempt to share New Age ideas with him. After about a year, I agreed to go to a homegroup meeting with him, and during the course of the evening, I accepted the Lord. I really did have a sense that I was starting on a path and would never turn back. Despite the uncoolness factor of my decision, I had been prompted in this direction for quite some time. I could now look back and see many instances of God calling me to Himself. I even thought back to those nights of gazing at the stars and pondering the reality of a God. I remembered my grandmother telling me about prayer when I was a little girl, and me praying earnestly for a certain pair of shoes I wanted. Hey, what did I know? So I was a little Name It Claim It kid! I remembered the time in Seattle when I came across a tract and while reading it in the car, a lady poked her head in and asked me if I knew Jesus. Since it seemed so timely I responded with a Yes! She then proceeded to berate me for wearing pants. I remember not feeling comfortable in my Yoga group, and not knowing who to choose as a "guru" in my life. Despite misguided information and experiences, God mercifully drew me to Himself.

I married the man who had shared the Lord with me. What followed were almost 20 years of difficulties. We struggled continually with finances, my husband's very legalistic leanings, my rebellion towards him and God, his inability and refusal to accept my daughter, my deep depressions and suicidal thoughts, our frequent moves, difficult jobs, extended dysfunctional families, and frequent disappointments. It wasn't all bad. Bright spots included our two children born during this time, great fellowship with other believers, and our determination to make life work. We had wonderful friends who encouraged us and were devastated when after 18 years, our marriage finally crumbled. My husband married an unbeliever and I was single for 10 years after my divorce.

After dealing miserably with the reality that I was a Christian whose marriage ended in divorce, I decided I needed some changes in my life. I have always loved the outdoors and wilderness so I worked at an outdoor wilderness Christian ministry for a summer and spent an invigorating season debating Arminianism vs. Calvinism with the other summer staff, which got me thinking about what I really believed. I had blindly followed the whole Arminian bent of American Christianity for years without even knowing much about what I exactly embraced. I sorta went with the flow and resented God because I couldn't measure up according to my works, in my thinking. After that summer, I became a single foster parent for a season, floundered and went in debt because of that decision, moved to Texas to work in a ministry with teens, and continued my study of Reformed Christianity. I became convinced of the truth of Calvinism and experienced a renewal in my walk with Christ, which was almost like really being born again. All the resentment towards God because I thought He was a cruel taskmaster fell away and I could truly see his mercy and grace in my life and my wretchedness. My frequent depressions also fell away and I discovered a new passion for God.

In God's good time, He brought a man into my life who believed in Reformed Christianity as well. We got married almost three years ago and have continued our growth in grace and mercy together. Between us we have 7 kids and 6 grandchildren. We pray for their salvation and pray we can be a testimony to our families of God's restoration and healing.

Just Thinkin'

2007-04-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is how it looks as various theological issues in various blogs play out in the comments. :)

birthday picnic

2007-03-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

It has been eight months since we had a picnic at Lake Tahoe. We decided to have a sunset picnic today to celebrate my birthday yesterday. I am fifty-twoooooo.

Some Things I Wish I Had Said

2007-03-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

My mother, and probably yours too said to us: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Sometimes when I read my favorite blogs, I enjoy the witty comments and posts. Other times I am distressed by sarcasm and arrogance. As Christians we try to discern when it is ok to use sarcasm and when it is probably not the best idea. Some words should be taken back, and some words cause great laughter (best not to be drinking coffee in front of the computer at these times). I decided to post some classic insults, some very funny, most somewhat mean, and all very witty.

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend ... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill to Shaw, in response

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
- - - Winston Churchill

Differently clued.
- - - Dave Clark

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
- - - Josh Billing

End of season sale at the cerebral department.
- - - Gareth Blackstock

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.
- - - David Letterman

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- - - Abraham Lincoln

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
- - - Robert Redford

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.
- - - David Lloyd George

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
- - - Joseph Heller

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- - - George Bernard Shaw

He knows so little and knows it so fluently.
- - - Ellen Glasgow

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- - - Forrest Tucker

He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.
- - - Leo Tolstoy

He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one.
- - - Earl of Rochester

He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.
- - - Sydney Smith

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
- - - John Ruskin

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.
- - - Benjamin Disraeli

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
- - - Mark Twain

His ignorance is encyclopedic.
- - - Abba Eban

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
- - - Ashleigh Brilliant

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
- - - Leonard Louis Levinson

If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.
- - - William Lashner "Veritas"

Sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
- - - Foghorn Leghorn

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- - - W. Somerset Maugham

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
- - - Douglas Adams

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
- - - Thomas Brackett Reed

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
- - - Fred Allen

While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either.
- - - James Thurber

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.
- - - Oscar Wilde

A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.
- - - Edith Sitwell

A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.
- - - Benjamin Disraeli

Abstract art? A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
- - - Al Capp

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
- - - Mark Twain

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- - - Fred Allen

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
- - - Groucho Marx

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism. They have formed their own 4-H Club - the 'hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history.
- - - Spiro T. Agnew (about the press, 1970)

Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.
- - - A. E. Housman

Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
- - - Mark Twain

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
- - - -Moses Hadas

The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.
- - - Lyndon Johnson

This is not a book that should be tossed lightly aside. It should be hurled with great force.
- - - Dorothy Parker

This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.
- - - Nancy Banks-Smith (review of M.M. Kaye's "The Far Pavillions")

You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
- - - Aristophanes

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.
- - - Dennis Healy

Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.
- - - Harold Wilson

Failure has gone to his head.
- - - Wilson Mizner

He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.
- - - David Lloyd George

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.
- - - Herbert Beerbohm Tree

He is as good as his word - and his word is no good.
- - - Seamus MacManus

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
- - - H. H. Munro

He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.
- - - Eugene Field

He is the same old sausage, fizzing and sputtering in his own grease.
- - - Henry James

He made enemies as naturally as soap makes suds.
- - - Percival Wilde

He makes a July's day short as December.
- - - William Shakespeare

He never bore a grudge against anyone he wronged.
- - - Simone Signoret

He was a bit like a corkscrew. Twisted, cold and sharp.
- - - Kate Cruise O'Brien

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
- - - Mark Twain

He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep.
- - - Dorothy Eden

He was as great as a man can be without morality.
- - - Alexis de Tocqueville

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.
- - - Charles Kingsley

He was so crooked, you could have used his spine for a safety-pin.
- - - Dorothy L. Sayers

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
- - - Molly Ivins

He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
- - - Fred Allen

He was trying to save both his faces.
- - - John Gunther

He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone.
- - - Oscar Wilde

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
- - - Earl Wilson

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
- - - Margot Asquith

I will always love the false image I had of you.
- - - Ashleigh Brilliant

Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid.
- - - Heinrich Heine

She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did.
- - - Ada Leverson

She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.
- - - Charles Talleyrand

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
- - - Margot Asquith

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.
- - - Jean Webster

She never was really charming till she died.
- - - Terence

She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.
- - - Michael Arlen

She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.
- - - W. Somerset Maugham

She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.
- - - Raymond Chandler

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.
- - - Alexander Woollcott

She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together.
- - - John Cantu

She's the sort of woman who lives for others -- you can tell the others by their hunted expression.
- - - C. S. Lewis

So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.
- - - Alan Bennett

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.
- - - Tobias George Smolett

The greatest thing since they reinvented unsliced bread.
- - - William Keegan

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.
- - - George Jean Nathan

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- - - George Bernard Shaw

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.
- - - Mark Twain

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
- - - Wilson Mizner

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.
- - - Louis Nizer

As entertaining as watching a potato bake.
- - - Marc Savlov (about the movie, Taxi)

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
- - - Groucho Marx

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
- - - Oscar Levant

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
- - - Winston Churchill

Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
- - - Jonathan Swift

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- - - Groucho Marx

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
- - - Raymond Chandler

He's liked, but he's not well liked.
- - - Arthur Miller

Here's where we we get out the thesaurus and look up synonyms for "garbage."
- - - Mike LaSalle (about the movie, Shanghai Knights)

I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
- - - Steven Pearl

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
- - - Mark Twain

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- - - Fred Allen

I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion.
- - - Robert Louis Stevenson

She's good, being gone.
- - - William Shakespeare

Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.
- - - William Dean Howells

You have delighted us long enough.
- - - Jane Austen

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
- - - Jim Samuels

You're a parasite for sore eyes.
- - - Gregory Ratoff

Thoughts on Prayer

2007-03-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

I have to confess that I have had some real struggles with prayer. It was hard to see my mother enter eternity recently and not know whether she was with God. I have had someone very close to me just go through a horrible and ugly divorce and my prayers in the matter seemed to prevail nothing. My husband and I have had some struggles with his job. He has been demeaned and treated badly and every time we think the situation might change or he has an opportunity for another job, things fall through. Years ago, I prayed for my previous marriage, that God would restore and reconcile and it didn't happen. I have prayed for my grown children's salvation and one walked away recently and I am still waiting for the other two.

I don't mean to say that God has not answered any of my prayers. He brought me my husband who is such a blessing. He has blessed me with certain jobs, and took care of me when I was single. I can go on and on about his many answers to prayer.

I wish I had the confidence in prayer that George Muller had. He just seemed to have a gift of confidence and trust in God. Sometimes I don't trust God. Isn't that terrible to confess? I know He is sovereign and providential, but when I pray sometimes it is with an air of resignation, almost expecting a no answer despite my pleas. I have noticed that my prayers have become fewer in number and I add a prayer of grace that I might desire to pray and seek God. I feel dry instead. So, as I shared this with my husband recently, it is interesting that today I read from Spurgeon these words. I hope they sink in and I can be renewed in my desire to glorify God in my life and prayers.

AND GOING A LITTLE FARTHER HE FELL ON HIS FACE AND PRAYED.”
Matthew 26:39

There are several instructive features in our Savior's prayer in His hour of trial. It was lonely prayer. He withdrew even from His three favored disciples. Believer, be diligent in solitary prayer, especially in times of trial. Family prayer, social prayer, prayer in the church will not be sufficient; these are very precious, but the fragrance of heaven will be sweetest in your private devotions, where no ear hears but God's. It was humble prayer. Luke says He knelt, but another evangelist says He "fell on His face." Where, then, must be your place, you humble servant of the great Master? What dust and ashes should cover your head! Humility gives us a good foothold in prayer. There is no hope of prevailing with God unless we abase ourselves, that He may exalt us in due time.
It was filial prayer. "Abba, Father." You will find it a stronghold in the day of trial to plead your adoption. You have no rights as a subject--you have forfeited them by your treason; but nothing can forfeit a child's right to a father's protection. Do not be afraid to say, "My Father, hear my cry."
Observe that it was persevering prayer. He prayed three times. Do not stop until you prevail. Be like the importunate widow, whose continual coming earned what her first supplication could not win. Continue in prayer with a thankful heart. Lastly, it was the prayer of resignation. "Nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." Let it be as God wills, and God will determine for the best. Be content to leave your prayer in His hands, who knows when to give, and how to give, and what to give, and what to withhold. So pleading, earnestly, importunately, yet with humility and resignation, you will surely prevail.

Self Righteousness

2007-03-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

This is really good!

Whatever it be that makes us trust in ourselves that we are comparatively wise or good, so as to treat those with contempt who do not subscribe to our doctrines, or follow our party, is a proof and fruit of a self-righteous spirit. Self-righteousness can feed upon doctrines, as well as upon works; and a man may have the heart of a Pharisee, while his head is stored with orthodox notions of the unworthiness of the creature and the riches of free grace. John Newton HT:Between Two Worlds

Feelin' a Bit Irish Are Ya?

2007-03-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ow About a bit o' bagpipes?

... and a glimpse of some of
Dublin's lovely gardens?

Expert Marksmen In The Eyes of Men

2007-03-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am reading To Kill A Mockingbird for the the 10th time (I think). I participate in a neighborhood book club and this book is our selection for the month, to my delight. I have always gleaned so much from this book. I have picked up a few thoughts during my reading lately and may post a couple over the next few days.

The title of the book is derived from a conversation Jem and Scout (two kids) have with a neighbor. Their father had given them air rifles for Christmas and stated that they could shoot tin cans, and he supposed they would want to shoot birds. Since Blue Jays and other birds ate crops and wreaked havoc in particular ways, Atticus, their father, said they were fair game. He told his children never to shoot a Mockingbird. Miss Maudie, the neighbor lady, explained to the kids that it was a sin to kill a Mockingbird because all they did was sing their hearts out for us to enjoy. As the story progresses, that whole idea gets fleshed out in other ways, but I was struck by her comment and put it together with another quote in the book by Miss Maudie concerning Jem and Scout's revelation that their stodgy old father is quite the marksman with a rifle. He had to shoot a rabid dog, and he had a second to do it as the dog would have attacked. He had to get it right.

If your father's anything, he's civilized in his heart. Marksmanship's a gift of God, a talent - oh, you have to practice to make it perfect, but shootin's different from playing the piano or the like. I think maybe he put his gun down when he realized that God had given him an unfair advantage over most living things. I guess he decided he wouldn't shoot till he had to, and he had to today.
" Looks like he'd be proud of it, " I said.
"People in their right minds never take pride in their talents," said Miss Maudie.

I have always had a bit of a crush on Atticus. He is portrayed as a very dignified, respectful man with a dry sense of humor and a sense of responsibility towards his children, his neighbors, and the downtrodden. As a lawyer, he defends a man that nobody else would ever defend, and he warned his children that they would bear the brunt of that decision, but that they would have to make the best of the situation.

I was struck recently by ongoing abrasiveness in Christian blogs. Recently, rather acerbic comments have been made by Christians who may be expert marksmen but seem to take pride in their talents and flaunt their ability to shoot. I wish that men would study the character of Atticus and practice what C.J. Mahaney calls "humble orthodoxy". The emphasis on shooting often and hitting the mark overrides the idea of shooting only when absolutely necessary.

Some shots heard recently that have caused me to ponder the lesson in To Kill A Mockingbird are:

Personal attacks on Al Mohler regarding comments he made and tried to clarify. Whatever comments are questionable and possibly regrettable, does not negate his ministry and contributions to the cause of Christ.
Slams on Mark Driscoll regarding his confession of exhaustion and discouragement.

Slams on John MacArthur's personal position in Christ. Statements that he is not REALLY reformed.

I read recently that C.J. Mahaney traveled up to visit Mark Driscoll, play basketball with his sons, and encourage Mark in the faith. I respect Mahaney so much for taking time to mentor and encourage another pastor. His approach is far superior than public slams against Driscoll on the internet. Mahaney gets my silent award for being most Atticuslike this week. May more men learn by his example.