The Worst Opening Paragraph of a Christian Novel: Romance

Most of us have read really bad novels. As a Christian, it is difficult to find a well written novel. There is a contest called the Bulwer-Lytton contest (he wrote it was a dark and stormy night). It would be fun to write the worst opening paragraph of a Christian novel. Feel free to jump in with your own. Mine is inspired by the Romance novel cover.

Mabel had never been to an afterglow service before. She had been raised in a strict fundamentalist church. She couldn't figure out what propelled her through the door. She timidly sat in the cold steel folding chair and listened to the african throbbing of the drum set stragetically placed in the center of the stage. The guitars were wailing and people were singing lustily. Mabel began to feel a tingling down her spine. "Why did I walk through those doors and what is happening to me?" she thought as she swooned and dropped to the floor. After some minutes she opened her eyes to find a dark mysterious stranger praying over her. Inexplicably, he had a pipe in his mouth. With a start, Mabel realized she recognized the man. Isn't he the man I saw in the tavern last night, Guinness in hand, urguing forcefully about Calvinism? Mabel looked around in a panic! "I must leave now, before it's too late, but how?"