Friday, June 02, 2006

Care of our Elderly

My husband and I have been married two years in just a couple of days. The first year was very blessed with lots of time together. Recently my husband and I have made a decision that will totally effect our lives. After being very convicted hearing various sermons addressing the issue, my husband and I have decided to have my mother move in with us. Now most people might respond what? What's the big deal? Well, you all have not met my mother.

My mother is very eccentric. She is very, very intelligent. She is loud and boisterous (well, not so much anymore as she is frail). she has always had the loudest laugh, and the most cynicism towards God I have ever experienced. She is highly political and knows just what buttons to push with me. She mentions how Buddha is so wonderful, and how many gods the Egyptians had, and how abortion is so wonderful now that women don't have to go in dark alleys to get an abortion. she smoked pot with my brother, me and all our friends when we were young. She let me hitchhike to Berkeley when I was 16.

She is also an alcoholic. She smokes incessantly.

She can't drink in our home (maybe just a thimble full one night a week) or smoke inside. We are hoping that we can be a testimony of the love of God. We are hoping for her salvation.

It will be such a challenge for me. I am a solitary kinda person. I paint and read in a quiet home. I sit in the garden watching birds and clouds. My husband and I read and compare notes on theology and the Word of God. My grandkids run around and flush things down the toilet. They find rolly pollys outside in the rocks.

My mother is in the beginning stages of dementia. She tells the same stories over and over within a few minutes of each other. It is worse when she drinks.

To be honest....I am scared about changing our lives to fit my mother in. I have had many tough years and sorta wanted a peaceful life. I cannot push away the convictions in my heart that God wants to do a work with my mother, and my husband and I are best suited to take her in, as opposed to my brothers and sisters. I keep hearing in sermons that I need to take care of my parents. To honor them. It will all happen in a month. I know that God in his sovereignty will work in me especially. I have become a bit selfish since my kids have grown up. Please don't rock the boat of me doing what I want. God in his wisdom puts people in our lives to challenge our sense of self.

I also think about the different stages of life. We start out with dependence upon others to meet our needs, change our diapers, teach us. We grow up and become all knowing in some respects. We move on to become elderly and once again dependent upon others for our needs. Just like people choose abortion to rid themselves of a "lifestyle impediment" so we rid ourselves of the elderly, tucking them into nursing homes away from us.

I read about homeschool moms raising kids, and listen to my twenty-some son share his angst ridden thoughts, talk with my thirty something daughter about changes coming her way, empathize with my daugher who has four kids. I have experienced all of these seasons and have been thankful for the passing of time and the wonderful adults that my children have become.

My mom increasingly lives her younger life in her thoughts, shares the same stories over and over, is incontinent, and wants me to do more and more for her. Maybe someday I will even be changing diapers again. It will be an interesting challenging time,but if I can see my mother softening towards God, then it is worth it. We know it is God's sovereignty that she move in. It is the right thing to do.


At 4:43 AM, Blogger Kim said...

I think what you are doing is wonderful. We don't care for the elderly in North America the way we ought to. I know it will likely be very stressful for you. My mother says she refuses to move in with any of her children. Pride. She's an atheist, too.

At 8:14 AM, Blogger candyinsierras said...

I agree. It took me awhile to reconcile myself to the idea of this change so soon after my husband and I got married. The support of my husband means everything in this endeavor.

At 5:40 PM, Blogger Homemanager said...

You are a good daughter, Candy. The Lord will bless your efforts. He has already provided you with a wonderful partner. :o)
Our husbands are such a strength to us when we need them.


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